


Between the sun and the moon

by lee_andrews



Series: Naruto Rare Ships Challenge [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Canonical Character Death mentioned, Hatake Kakashi is Bad at Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentions of Injuries, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, Psychological Trauma, Switching Narrator, Yamato-centric, trauma-induced speech loss, tsunade is yamato's mom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:55:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25444273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lee_andrews/pseuds/lee_andrews
Summary: It took Yamato several years to recognise that Kakashi wasn’t, in fact, the sun. He was the moon. The light he was giving off came from elsewhere, the real sun Yamato had sworn he would find. On the one hand, he hurt that it was someone else who made Kakashi better, nicer, more genuine, yet on the other hand, he was also curious to see the source of the light first-hand. And once Yamato had met this sun, loud, proud and green-clad, it took him some time to understand that while the moon needed the sun to shine, the trees needed it to grow and get stronger.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Maito Gai | Might Guy, Hatake Kakashi/Maito Gai | Might Guy/Yamato | Tenzou, Hatake Kakashi/Yamato | Tenzou, Maito Gai | Might Guy/Yamato | Tenzou
Series: Naruto Rare Ships Challenge [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1856938
Comments: 10
Kudos: 67





	Between the sun and the moon

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Между солнцем и луной](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27150929) by [lee_andrews](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lee_andrews/pseuds/lee_andrews)



> Major spoilers for Gai, Kakashi and Yamato all the way to the end of Naruto.
> 
> I am not a doctor, so my descriptions of trauma-induced speech loss and experiencing PTSD in general will probably not be accurate or complete. For that, I apologise in advance.
> 
> Also, not that important for the story, but in this headcanon, Tsunade is Yamato's mother. She was struggling with depression and anxiety with regards to motherhood and made a complicated decision to leave baby Yamato with a nice family from where he was obducted by Orochimaru who didn't know whose child it actually was. For that reason, Yamato was the only one of all the children to survive through the experiments with Hashirama's cells. Tsunade recognised her son when she came back to Konoha during the events of Naruto and got to know Yamato, and she did all she could to become the family he's never had. Maybe one day I will write a full fic about it.

It took Yamato several years to recognise that Kakashi wasn’t, in fact, the sun. He was the moon. The light he was giving off came from elsewhere, the real sun Yamato had sworn he would find. On the one hand, he hurt that it was someone else who made Kakashi better, nicer, more genuine, yet on the other hand, he was also curious to see the source of the light first-hand. And once Yamato had met this sun, loud, proud and green-clad, it took him some time to understand that while the moon needed the sun to shine, the trees needed it to grow and get stronger.

It all started with a confession.

_When Yamato wakes up, he knows that today is_ the day _. He has finally proven himself as the captain of Team 7, having guided Naruto through the last steps towards his ultimate technique. Yamato is so proud of the boy and a little bit proud of himself, too. He can finally consider himself Kakashi’s equal now._

Even though Yamato was not familiar with Maito Gai’s signature concept of self-imposed rules at the time, he did, actually, have one of those rules for himself. As his senpai crush grew into something bigger, something less rose-tinted and more realistic, Yamato promised to himself that he would confess to Kakashi when he would finally catch up with him, when he would be his own man, not needing mentoring, protection or guidance. Yamato was telling himself that it didn’t even matter if Kakashi reciprocated, this confession was something he owed to a little nameless boy who was afraid of everything, but pretended he was afraid of nothing.

That boy was still a part of him, and he made Yamato’s hands shake ever so slightly that day.

_He finds Kakashi at the training field. With Gai, who grins at Yamato as if they are the oldest of friends._

_“I am sorry, but I need to speak with you, Kakashi,” Yamato swallows the word ‘senpai’. Right now, right this moment, they are equals, “in private.”_

_By the way Kakashi looks at him, Yamato knows that today is one of the bad days and steels himself._

_“I have no secrets from Gai, Tenzō,” Kakashi drawls indifferently. “You can say whatever you need to say here.”_

_Gai grumbles uncomfortably and moves to go, but Yamato doesn’t care. He cannot let himself be so easily thwarted. He just says it._

_“I love you, Kakashi,” this time, he doesn’t feel the urge to call him senpai and feels proud of it._

_“I know.”_

_This absolutely unsurprised and dispassionate response throws Yamato off balance. When it comes to feelings, Kakashi is usually not very perceptive. Has he really been that obvious?_

_“And?” is the only reaction Yamato can muster._

_Kakashi shrugs, “And I’m sorry.”_

_“Kakashi!” Gai cries out indignantly. He’s fast, but his hand snatches the empty air left behind by his rival’s body flicker technique._

_Yamato stares at the spot that has been Kakashi just a moment ago, only snapped back to reality by a heavy hand on his shoulder._

_“I apologise for Kakashi, Yamato, it was most inappropriate of him to behave like that.”_

_“I am okay,” Yamato’s voice sounds way too choked for this lie to work and Gai immediately knows._

_“No, you are not. I’ve been where you are right now. You see, I love him too,” Gai says simply. “I’ll make him talk to you again about it, I promise.”_

_“Why would you do that?” Yamato stares, incredulous. Gai’s confession is not shocking to Yamato, but his kindness is._

_Gai gives him a confused look, as if for him, it is the most natural thing in the world to try and matchmake the person you love with another man._

_“You deserve better than that,” he offers by the way of (non-)explanation and makes a vague circular gesture at wherever Kakashi has stood before and then gives Yamato his Nice Guy pose._

_His smile, though, is not a grin, but a quieter and more private kind and Yamato feels the warmth radiating off it on his skin._

Next thing Yamato learned about Maito Gai was that he always kept his promises.

_When he speaks – for a long time, too, obviously uncomfortable, his speech moving in circles over the same ideas just phrased differently – Kakashi doesn’t look at Yamato, he looks just slightly past his right ear. Yamato pretends that he doesn’t notice that. He also pretends that he is listening. It hurt enough the first time, thank you very much._

_“And that is why I believe we need to keep it pro…”_

_“What about Gai?” Yamato hears himself say._

_“What about Gai?” Kakashi repeats, startled out of his monologue._

_“He loves you, too,” Yamato doesn’t even bother considering it being a secret. It’s Maito Gai they are talking about._ Of course _, it’s not a secret. He wouldn’t be able to hide his feelings even if his life depended on it. You cannot turn off the sun._

_“I know.”_

_“And?”_

_“And… nothing.”_

_“I think you should go now,” suddenly, Yamato is so tired. The moon is cold, so cold, and he feels like he is freezing to the bone._

Two days after that, Gai asked Yamato to come help his team train. Ever so dutiful, Yamato could not refuse such a request, not when young Tenten, apparently, needed some pointers for her doton jutsu that would help her trap enemies between walls of earth and her weapons. And the warm smile that accompanied Gai’s request had absolutely nothing to do with it. When Yamato finally found himself co-training Gai’s team once every week, he just shrugged. He did care a lot about the new generation of shinobi, after all, so his engagement in this was logical. Easily explainable to Kakashi’s slightly raised brow if need be. Kakashi didn’t ask him about Gai, however, even though he really wanted to. He wanted to be a part of it, but he didn’t know how and what would the trees reaching out for sunlight need the moon for anyway?

In his turn, Yamato never asked Kakashi what death felt like, even though he would really like to know.

_“He didn’t want to talk about it, but he actually died, I was told. His heart stopped and everything.”_

_Judging by Gai’s empty stare into the distance, he already knows. Even though Kakashi is alive and well now, whisked away by Shikaku-san to discuss village business. Everyone is saying that Tsunade might not wake up and that they needed to choose the next Hokage, but Yamato knows she will, and she’ll kick everyone’s ass for thinking otherwise. He hasn’t yet come around to calling her his mother, but he’s grown to trust her and believe in her. She probably would have told him to find Kakashi and kiss him, but, for some reason, Yamato wants to be with Gai now. The man’s face is deep in shadows and he’s unusually quiet, and Yamato thinks how much he hates solar eclipses._

_“Don’t blame yourself for it,” they say almost in unison and look into each other’s eyes, surprised._

_After a brief pause, Yamato offers Gai a tentative smile and gets the familiar warm one in return._

Amidst the white snows of the Land of Iron, Kakashi had stayed cold and silent, while back in Konoha, Gai had been all warmth and talked all the time, and then the war came.

_When Yamato sees Kakashi on the boat, having flown in on Sai’s bird all the way from Konoha to aid Gai, he is surprised to not feel jealous at all. Watching them exchange promises puts him at peace, he can feel Gai’s light reflected in Kakashi’s eyes and he feels content. It is their bond and he is glad to see it nourished, because they both deserve that._

As Yamato was lying on the floor of the cavern at the Mountains’ Graveyard, his brain kept swinging him in and out of consciousness to spare him most of the pain. He had no grasp on reality, dreams weaving themselves into what his senses perceived. The delirium was rather random, but one thing that he saw happen over and over before his mind’s eye was Gai breaking his way through the cavern wall to come and save him, a bright yellow light like a halo around Gai’s green-clad figure.

Yet in Yamato’s Infinite Tsukuyomi dream, it was Kakashi who was smiling and welcoming, every bit the sun that the little boy rescued from the Root imagined.

_“Tenzō!”_

_Yamato is disoriented, he’s heard that same voice a couple of moments ago, but when it previously sounded content and happy, now it was full of worry and fear. What happened? There are hands all over him, checking for injuries. Two black eyes stare at him, filled with tears. This scar across the left eye, Yamato remembers it, but the eye is black. Why is the eye black? It takes him a couple of moments to realise that Tenzō is his name, too._

_“Are you okay? You seem uninjured,” Kakashi’s voice is not supposed to tremble like this. “Oh dear, I thought I lost both of you.”_

_Both? There is a cold feeling in Yamato’s stomach that makes him need to ask who Kakashi is talking about. But when he tries to find sounds to form into words, the whole sentence crumbles apart and scatters like autumn leaves in a gust of wind. Yamato tries again and again and fails every time, finally giving up and leaning against Kakashi’s chest. The last thing Yamato hears before he is engulfed in darkness is another familiar voice that is not supposed to sound as scared as this: “My son! Where is my son? I need to see him now!”_

Tsunade would always discreetly leave when Kakashi would show up in the hospital room where Gai and Yamato were both located. And Kakashi showed up there a lot. Tsunade wasn’t blind or deaf, she knew how much this man meant to her son, and from what she’d seen on the battlefield that day when the war had ended, it seemed that the feelings were mutual, if not exactly out in the open. So, she decided that it was a bit too early to corner Kakashi and tell him that she’d break all his ribs one by one if he breaks her son’s heart.

Gai was still unconscious, his severe burns slowly healing, and Yamato still wasn’t speaking, but Tsunade hoped he was healing, too.

_Yamato wakes up with a start. He doesn’t remember what he dreamed about, but he feels the stench of burned flesh, so it must have been about Gai’s fight with Madara. He wasn’t there to see it, but Gai’s burns gave enough food for his nightmares. The part of Yamato’s brain that tells him that it was just a dream is not in control and his chest feels too tight and it reminds him of being imprisoned inside that hollow body as if in a coffin and he feels claustrophobic and his mind spirals all the way down to tanks in Orochimaru’s lab and he feels panic he needs to break out he needs to breathe he needs to_

_…and then there is a hand on his shoulder and he hears Kakashi’s voice dimly as if through meters of water and the voice guides him through the process of breathing and Yamato tries his best to succeed at it. He manages some breaths, shallow at first, but as the voice rings clearer in his ears, his breathing gets deeper._

_Still concentrated on the flow of air in his body, Yamato is surprised to find himself lying back down in the hospital bed with Kakashi behind him, as far away from him as the bed permits, hand resting on Yamato’s forearm. Kakashi doesn’t try to hug him or crowd him, and Yamato is grateful. At times like these, he just needs to feel the free space around him._

_Yamato stares at Gai, still unconscious in his bed, his whole body covered in bandages, but alive. He doesn’t know how much time has passed: a minute? an hour? half the night? – before Kakashi’s hand starts stroking his arm in soothing circular motions. Kakashi starts talking, too, in a quiet voice, random things about Naruto and Sakura, about Tsunade trying to teach him how to be a Hokage, little anecdotes of the every-day life out there. At some point between the stories Kakashi says that when Gai wakes up, there is something important he must talk to both of them about. Yamato wonders whether Kakashi only said it because he thought that Yamato was sleeping and starts to question whether the moon really has no light of its own._

When Gai finally did wake up, Kakashi’s eyes shined with the light of a thousand suns, but he made no attempt at speaking about any important things, while Yamato didn’t speak at all. Gai, however, was doing enough talking for the three of them. He did it to distract himself from the pain, but he also wanted Yamato to know that he was not alone. Kakashi confidentially told him about the panic attacks, and Gai immediately felt responsible for keeping an eye out for Yamato. Having overheard some conversations between nurses and Tsunade, Yamato knew that, unlike Gai, he was only kept in the hospital at Kakashi’s request who wanted them both in one place, but he didn’t mind.

Between the sun and the moon that kept him grounded, he felt safe.

_With bandages gone, Gai’s scars are out in the open for all to see. Yamato wonders what Kakashi thinks about these scars, whether he, too, feels this tenderness in his chest Yamato experiences when he sees them. He walks up to Gai who sits on the bed, propped up by the pillows and reading a book Kakashi brought him. Surprisingly, it’s not Icha Icha. Gai looks up from his book, his gaze expectant. Yamato still doesn’t speak, just cannot bring himself to do it. Words and sounds build up to sentences better now, but he still feels like his vocal cords and his tongue fail him completely. So, in a silent question, his hand hovers over Gai’s body, and Gai smiles and nods, and Yamato touches the fabric of his hospital gown exactly above the heart. Yamato closes his eyes and tries to discern whether he can actually feel Gai’s heartbeat or just imagines that he can feel it. He is a bit startled when a big warm hand covers his. He doesn’t open his eyes, but instead, puts his other hand on top of Gai’s, only to have it covered too. He stands with his hands both trapped underneath Gai’s and waits for claustrophobia to come back, for a panic surge, but nothing happens. Yamato opens his eyes and sits down on the bed next to Gai. They are still holding hands and Yamato feels warmth spread across his entire body._

Until the day Gai and Yamato were to be officially dismissed from the hospital, Kakashi had made no attempt at any kind of important conversation between the three of them.

_Yamato hates Kakashi’s cowardice. He hates it when Kakashi evades questions, feelings, unpleasant or uncomfortable truths. Yamato knows that, at this point, Kakashi won’t say anything until something forces him to. Gai has no clue, so it is up to Yamato to act. While Gai is slowly collecting his things, moving around the room on crutches, Yamato conjures all his willpower and concentration. His tongue is slow in his mouth and when he finally opens it to produce the first sounds, it feels like he is stretching an elastic band. His voice is weak and quiet and carries little emotion, but he knows those two will still understand it._

_“I love… Gai… too,” Yamato is relieved when the sentence is over._

_Gai drops a pile of clothes he was holding to the floor, but Yamato doesn’t look at him, not yet. First, he has to make Kakashi speak. Yamato tries to go for his most politely intimidating look, but he feels like he’s just run a marathon, so he realises he probably looks pathetic more than anything else._

_After a pause, Kakashi moves to scratch the back of his head. He plays embarrassed, but his eyes watch Gai and Yamato carefully as he speaks, taking advantage of not having a blind side anymore._

_“Yeah, about that… I wanted to ask you both to come live with me. You are the most important people in my life, and I don’t want to distance myself any longer. I thought… you’d always be there, because you always have. But I almost lost you, and that was a harsh enough lesson. I am sorry. I owe you both so much.”_

_Not good enough, Yamato thinks. Kakashi is still wriggling his way out of saying the l-word and that makes Yamato angry. Not for himself, but for Gai, because Gai deserves better than_ that _. When Yamato tries to speak up again, his vocal cords fail him, and yet Kakashi reads the word off his lips, ‘And?’_

_For a moment, Kakashi looks like a man about to plunge into deep, dark, cold waters, he lets out a deep breath and says, “And… I love you both.”_

_Next thing Yamato knows is the sound of crutches falling to the floor and him and Kakashi being pulled into a tight hug. Gai is still insanely fast, it seems. He first kisses Kakashi on the cheek and says, “I love you, Kakashi,” and then moves to kiss Yamato on the temple, “I love you, Yamato.” The kiss feels moist, because Gai is crying. Of course, he is._

_Yamato offers Kakashi what he hopes is a smile, though he is too exhausted to know what his face is doing, and Kakashi takes his hand and puts it on Gai’s chest, exactly at where Naruto’s seal is hidden underneath the jumpsuit. Gai shouldn’t stand like that for long, because it’s going to hurt, but they can still allow themselves this little moment._

_It feels so good to bask in the warmth of the sun._


End file.
